A co-worker, and non-smoker at COK, we'll call him "tomato" was peddling raffle tickets one morning. He purchased some magazines from me earlier in the year so I reciprocacted the gesture and bought some of his tickets. Never expecting to win anything. Just a couple bucks toward a good cause.
Two weeks later now and the ticket stubs snuggled into their new home at the landfill, I get a call late one night.... "Is this John?..." Puzzled I replied "Who's asking?" Pause... " have something fer you" Now I'm sure this is a prank call, and the Yankee in me came out. Rudely I replied " I don't want it!!". This guy with the phone skills of a 6 year old, proceeded to inform me of the results of the raffle drawing. Our conversation continued filled with solecism and that union county slang I will never understand. I was informed that I was the lucky winner and proud owner of the cherished Grape Vine Wreath
The next morning I waited with baited breath (I don't know exactly what that means, but I heard someone say that once.) for tomato to arrive with my Grape Vine Wreath, did I mention it was valued at over $100. As it emerged from the back seat of his car, I noticed the goofy smirk on his face on the verge of belly laugh. He was able to ward off the belly laugh and handed me the prize. Trying not to stare at the hideous creature, I quickly moved it to the back seat of my truck and covered it with a rain coat.
It rode back there with the doors unlocked for 2 days, with hopes someone would steal it. no such luck, I had to bring it inside. I set it on the hearth.
As each member of my unit saw it, the responses were all the same... What is that??
We discussed options as to the future of the prize... Strip it and put Christmas light on it or donate it to a nursing home, preferably the wing with the most vision impaired guests, were the top choices. It most likely would sit on the hearth and after a dozen hits from book filled backpacks, just vacuum up the remnants and presto! gone forever.
You didn't think it would end there would you? Nooooooo! Another call from junior samples grandmarshall and fund raiser virtuoso. "I need a picture of you with the wreath for the local newspaper...ASAP." (You know one of the things I have learned as I have progressed into my 40's is to hold my tongue and keep comments to myself.) resisting the urge to say all sorts of egregious things, I responded with a shaky OK.
I wouldn't be pictured dead with this thing so I sacrificed my oldest son to the ignoble god of the Grapevine Wrath.
Two weeks later now and the ticket stubs snuggled into their new home at the landfill, I get a call late one night.... "Is this John?..." Puzzled I replied "Who's asking?" Pause... " have something fer you" Now I'm sure this is a prank call, and the Yankee in me came out. Rudely I replied " I don't want it!!". This guy with the phone skills of a 6 year old, proceeded to inform me of the results of the raffle drawing. Our conversation continued filled with solecism and that union county slang I will never understand. I was informed that I was the lucky winner and proud owner of the cherished Grape Vine Wreath
The next morning I waited with baited breath (I don't know exactly what that means, but I heard someone say that once.) for tomato to arrive with my Grape Vine Wreath, did I mention it was valued at over $100. As it emerged from the back seat of his car, I noticed the goofy smirk on his face on the verge of belly laugh. He was able to ward off the belly laugh and handed me the prize. Trying not to stare at the hideous creature, I quickly moved it to the back seat of my truck and covered it with a rain coat.
It rode back there with the doors unlocked for 2 days, with hopes someone would steal it. no such luck, I had to bring it inside. I set it on the hearth.
As each member of my unit saw it, the responses were all the same... What is that??
We discussed options as to the future of the prize... Strip it and put Christmas light on it or donate it to a nursing home, preferably the wing with the most vision impaired guests, were the top choices. It most likely would sit on the hearth and after a dozen hits from book filled backpacks, just vacuum up the remnants and presto! gone forever.
You didn't think it would end there would you? Nooooooo! Another call from junior samples grandmarshall and fund raiser virtuoso. "I need a picture of you with the wreath for the local newspaper...ASAP." (You know one of the things I have learned as I have progressed into my 40's is to hold my tongue and keep comments to myself.) resisting the urge to say all sorts of egregious things, I responded with a shaky OK.
I wouldn't be pictured dead with this thing so I sacrificed my oldest son to the ignoble god of the Grapevine Wrath.
5 comments:
That is one odd looking wreath...you lucky guy!
Confusion is almost inevitable. Bated here is a contraction of abated through loss of the unstressed first vowel (a process called aphesis); it has the meaning “reduced, lessened, lowered in force”. So bated breath refers to a state in which you almost stop breathing through terror, awe, extreme anticipation, or anxiety.
Thanks for clearing that up. I thought it meant something like that. I thought it meant like your waiting for something and you have to pee real bad, and instead of goin pee, you wait. you think...
you know how it goes---dark by 3:00--not much to do besides clarify blog vocab...
You're killing me LOL!!
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